One of the terms you will see quite a bit is “absent parent.” If you are a stepmother, “absent parent” means the legal mother of your stepchild. If you are a stepfather, it means the legal father of your stepchild. The term “missing parent” is used for an absent parent whose whereabouts are unknown.

In Which Court to File

The court that will handle your adoption case is the Court located in the county in which you live. All documents in connection with your adoption action have to be filed with the Clerk of the  Court. Since in many counties the county clerk also functions as the Clerk of the Court, we use the term “county clerk” as synonymous with “Clerk of the Court.” However, when you communicate with the county about your adoption action, use the term “Clerk of the Court (Civil)” so it will know that you are referring to a civil (not criminal) court matter.

Changing Your Adopted Child’s Name

As part of the adoption, your stepchild’s last name can be changed to any name on which you, your spouse and your stepchild all agree. Many people choose to have the child’s last name changed to the adoptive father’s, though you can use a last name that has no connection with either your name or your spouse’s. To change your stepchild’s name, put the new name in the adoption decree; the change becomes legally effective when the decree is filed with the court.

You can have the child’s birth certificate amended to reflect the new name. Whether or not your stepchild’s name is being changed, the birth certificate can still be changed to show you as the parent. The name of the absent parent is removed and you are shown as the parent. No mention is made in the new birth certificate of the adoption; the certificate will appear the same as it would if you were the natural parent. The old birth certificate is sealed and can only be unsealed by a court order. An amended birth certificate is not required by law, even if your stepchild’s name is changed on the adoption decree. But most people, thinking of the confusing situations that may arise for a stepchild in later years, choose to have the birth certificate changed if the stepchild’s name is changed. Since you, your spouse, and your stepchild (if she is old enough to reason) have quite a bit of leeway regarding the name change and birth certificate, you may wish to kick around the pros and cons in a three-way conference.

Kinship Adoption Agreement

Under a kinship adoption agreement, the stepparent, the birth parents and birth relatives may agree to visitation between the adopted child and the birth relatives. The signed agreement is filed with the adoption petition. If the interested parties wish to explore this option further, consider seeking objective help. A licensed child and family counselor, a professional mediator or a family law attorney may be useful in helping all interested parties arrive at a meeting of the minds on visitation and other pertinent issues.