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Your Child's Painful Reality in Life: When your child's natural parent has abandoned his or her responsibilities for his or her child, that reality is surely terribly painful for both you and your child. (The sting of this reality will probably continue to some degree for your child's entire life.)  This pain may be exacerbated by many factors, including your child's last name being different from all other members of his or her family unit when you and your husband having children natural born to you both. Your spouse's natural child may feel both the pain of being abandoned by his or her natural parent, but also feel the pain of having a different status in the family, that of being a "stepchild" to the only father or mother he or she has ever known. 

 

You Wish Your Child Did Not Consider Him/Herself to be a "Stepchild". All in your family probably already consider your child and his or her stepparent to have a real, valuable, and critically important parent-child relationship regardless of the legal stepparent-child status.  Nonetheless, both your spouse and your child may feel somewhat separated from the other for lack of a legally and socially completed and recognized parent/child relationship. Your situation is not unique, for example, according to futureofchildren.org, by the time a child of unwed parents reaches age 7, studies indicate only about 22% of fathers are in frequent contact. (Winter/Spring 2002)

Stepparent Adoption is Often a Healing Option. This painful reality of your child’s abandonment can often be drastically minimized by having your spouse adopt his or her stepchild. For many, adoption psychologically completes the parent-child relationship for both you spouse and his or her stepchild and provides the child with a fundamentally improved sense of security and belonging in your family unit. This completion can have significant positive impact on your child’s life in many other ways. According to a recent adoption study which can be reviewed by you at adoptivefamilies.com, results reveal that children adopted into families fare as well in many important respects as those born into them. 

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General Information regarding

the players and the process

 

Establishing Parental and Custody Rights

Before a stepparent can adopt his spouse’s child, he must show that his spouse is the legal parent, and has legal custody, of the child. If you don’t think you can clearly show your spouse’s legal parentage or legal right to have custody of your stepchild, help from a lawyer may be in order.

1. If You Are the Stepfather Who Wants to Adopt

Parentage. Your wife will probably have no difficulty in establishing herself as the legal parent (even if her child was born out of wedlock), as long as there is a recorded birth certificate naming her the mother. If she is the adoptive mother, again there is probably no problem (unless her legal parentage was terminated through court action).

Custody. Being a legal parent is not necessarily proof that one has a legal right to custody of the child. A mother living with her child probably has legal custody if:

  • She is divorced from the legal father and has a court order giving her sole or joint custody; or

  • She is divorced from the legal father, who has a court order granting him legal custody but has voluntarily agreed to her having actual custody; or

  • She became the sole custodian when the legal father died; or

  • She became the sole custodian when the legal father lost his legal parentage through legal proceedings; or • The child was born to her out-of-wedlock, and there is no court order affecting custody of the child.

2. If You Are the Stepmother Who Wants to Adopt Paternity. Your spouse will probably not have difficulty in showing himself to be the legal father of his child if the child was born in wedlock and there is a recorded birth certificate naming him as the father. If he is the adoptive father, again he shouldn’t have trouble proving his status (unless his legal parentage was terminated through court action).

A man whose child was born out of wedlock, and who has no court order declaring him to be the father, may have some problems in proving his legal status as father. He will be presumed to be the father, and any problems proving his legal status as father should be surmountable if: • his name appeared on the birth certificate, • he lived with the mother after the birth of the child and acknowledged that the child was his,

  • he signed a paternity statement, or

  • he married the mother after the birth of the child.

Custody. Assuming your spouse is the legal parent of his child as outlined above, and he is living with his child, he probably has legal custody if:

  • He is divorced from (or was never married to) the legal mother, and he has a court order giving him sole or joint custody; or

  • He is divorced from (or was never married to) the legal mother, who has a court order granting her custody but has voluntarily agreed to his having actual custody; or

  • He became the sole custodian when the legal mother died; or • He became the sole custodian when the legal mother lost her legal parentage through court action.

If your husband does not have a court order giving him custody and the natural mother is missing, he must be prepared to explain to the court that the mother voluntarily agreed to his having actual custody or to present some other valid explanation as to the circumstances under which he got custody of the child.


   

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